“I generally avoid temtation unless I can’t resist it” – Mae West

I have been trying to avoid sugar since January, and I have done pretty well considering I was a little out of control with sugar over the holidays.  I am very good at avoiding and buying sugary treats unless they are right there in front of and then I don’t have a whole lot of power to resist them.

However temptation island has made it’s way to outside my freaking cube at work. It started the week of Valentines when the guy who sits next to me put out 3 candy dishes full of Valentines candy. Up until last week the only thing I had allowed my self was two Hershey’s Kisses. However last week my arch nemesis moved onto the island and now all three dishes (which were almost finally empty) have been refilled with Easter candy (my favorite I think probably because of the colors, since that’s the only thing that changes from one holiday to the next). The Butterfingers I could leave but I love gummy candy and there’s a dish of Sweet-Tart gummy bunnies that I keep sneaking one here and there as I go by.

Then today a box of cookies showed up, and then a box of danish after lunch that disappeared right before I went to take this picture (and as I write this someone is adding more candy to the dishes).

I have to pass this every time I go to my desk.

I then went on to start talking to my coworker about how sneaking labeling laws are in regards to lots of stuff but mostly GMO and Sugar. Did you know that if something has 2 grams of sugar or less they can say it’s sugar free even though it has sugar in it (I found this out at my 2nd class on Monday)? So depending on the amount of that product you eat you could end up with way more sugar than you expected. Plus it’s a beast that’s known by many names so unless you know what your looking for you could miss sugar being in something.

Here is a list of the different how hidden sugar and sweeteners can be listed on your labels:

• White sugar
• Brown sugar
• Corn syrup
• Corn syrup solids
• High fructose corn syrup
• Malt syrup
• Maple syrup
• Pancake syrup
• Fructose sweetner
• Liquid fructose
• Honey
• Molasses
• Brown Rice Syrup
• Cane Juice
• Evaporated Cane Juice
• Granulated sugar
• Jaggary (unrefined cane sugar)
• Palm sugar (made from sap of the Palmyra palm)
• Anhydrous dextrose
• Crystal dextrose
• Sucrose (table sugar)
• Refined Cane Sugar
• Beet Sugar
• Dextrose (crystalline glucose from starch)
• Fructose (fruit sugar)
• Maltose (malt)
• Lactose  (milk sugar)
• Fruit juice concentrait
• Powdered Sugar
• Gluclose
• Invert sugar (simple syrup)
• Galactose (dairy)
• Tubinado sugar (sugar cane-brown)
• Confectioner’s sugar (powdered)
• Caramelized sugar
• Caramel
• Agave
• Acesulfame Potassium
• Aspartame
• Cyclamate
• Neotame
• Saccharin (Splenda)

The list goes on and on, these are just the common ones. I also shared with her this video from Robin O’Brien’s TED Talk on GMO’s and food allergies.

The bill that allowed for GMO foods to be used was passed in 1992 which would have been when I was 6. Now pretty much all of my friends that have had babies have been born with some sort of food allergy, and I wholeheartedly believe it’s because all of the additives, artificial dyes and GMO ingredients that have been in our food for the majority of our lives. I could go on about GMO’s but I will save that for another day this post has fulfilled it’s mission which was to distract me from temptation island until it was time to go.

“We need to do a better job of putting ourselves higher on our own ‘to do’ lists.” – Michella Obama

Embarking on this journey is both exciting and terrifying at the same time. When I think about things like the actual procedure, going under, and the pain I will endure while healing, I get overwhelmingly scared and have to force myself to think of something else. Then I think about all the things that will change for the positive and it makes me wish we could just get this done and the ball rolling now.

In preparation for this wild ride I have been reading countless blogs and accounts of peoples bariatric surgeries. One of my favorite blogs that I have come across is Flirty by Thirty. It’s very inspirational to me because we are similar ages and I just love the concept of her blog. One of the things I like in particular is her 30 by 30 list which is a list of non scale victories that she wants to accomplish by the time she’s 30. Many of the things on the list have been made possibly by her VGS (vertical gastric sleeve).

In an effort to keep my eye on the prize I have decided to make my own 30 by 30 list.

1. Hike one of the 14’ers here in Colorado

2. Shop in the non-plus size section

3. Scuba Dive (I was supposed to do this on my vacation in May. Unfortunately because I have Asthma and I am so over weight I couldn’t get the medical clearance to do it. He said if it was just one or the other I could but both factors put you at a higher risk for decompression sickness so I won’t be able to do until I hit onderland)

4. Run a 5K (in particular the Color Run or the Rave Run)

5. Spend all day biking the tulip fields in Holland

6. Sky Dive

7. Wear dresses without shorts underneath and the fear of chub rub (chafing)

8. Wear non wide calf boots

9. Pose for a shoot with Viva Van Story

10. Do a zip line through some rainforest like setting

11. Put over 800 miles on my bike

12. Perform in a pole showcase

13. Ride a horse through the surf of a white sand beach

14. Make it into the Colordao Burlesque festival

15. Donate/Sell/ or trash 99% of the clothes I currently own because they no longer fit

16. Go to pole camp in St Maarten

17. Do an inversion on the aerial silks

18. Inverted Crucifix (pole move)

Jenny doing an inverted crucifix at Vertical Fusion Ft Collins. Photograph by Desiree Galvez photography.

19. Finish my aerial yoga certification

20. Keem (pole move not sure if that’s what we call it at Vertical Fusion but that’s what the pole dictionary says this is called.)

Melanie pulling a Keem at high altitude. Photograph by Desiree Galvez Photography

21. Be able to do a seated twist in yoga with out the ass cheek of the leg that’s on top coming off the ground and throwing off my alignment

22. Ayesha (pole move)

Norell doing an elbow grip Ayesha at the Galmbition pole showcase. Photograph by Desiree Galvez Photography

23. Windshield wipers (pole move)

24.  Be able to do forward folds in yoga without my belly getting in the way

25. Black widow into pretzel (pole combo)

26. Be able to do at least 3 pull ups in a row

27.  Russian Split (pole move)

Fabulous Jamilla Deville rocking her Russian Split at Pole Expo 2013. Photograph by Desiree Galvez Photography

28. Run a mile without stopping

29. Wear heels all night with out my knees feeling like they are going to break in two

30. All the plastic surgery I need to tighten up any loose skin and sagging that exercise can’t fix.

“One should eat to live, not live to eat” – Benjamin Franklin

Yesterday was class two of three before we can submit my paperwork to Cigna for approval (see this post for what the current requirements are for my insurance plan). The class was on grocery shopping and how to read labels in order to make smarter decisions post op. This is super important post op (especially for gastric bypass patients because of the malabsorption part of that procedure) since you physically wont be able to consume a normal volume of food.

The recommended program for nutrition post op for RNY/Gastric sleeve are as follows:

• Eat 5-6 small meals per day
• 60-80g of protein per day
• 64 oz sugar-free and caffeine-free fluid per day
• No drinking during meals and for 30 minutes before or after meals
• Take a Multivitamin daily
• Take 1500 mg Calcium Citrate (no more than 500-600 mg at a time)
• Take Iron daily (separate from calcium)
• Take B-12 daily
• Limit calorie dense foods (sugar, fat)

Avoid

• Carbonated beverages (soda, beer, fizzy water etc.)
• Nicotine use/exposure
• Alcohol consumption during the rapid weight loss period (12-18 months)
• High fat and high sugar foods
• Straws
• Chewing Gum
• Getting pregnant for at least 18 – 24 months.

The class starts by everyone introducing themselves, what procedure they are having, what class they are on, and any struggles they are having. Then our nutritionist had us “go shopping” by selecting from a wall of food (empty food packages). She then would create a days worth of meals composed of the things people selected to see where we would land for our daily goals. She did this different times once for sugar, fat, sodium, and protein. After she would create the plan that put us over the daily limits she went back and selected things that were smarter alternatives.

Most of this information was review for me however I thought the class was beneficial, and I did learn a handful of new things. I didn’t know that fruit doesn’t count toward your daily allowed grams of sugar which makes me feel a lot better about the days that I was over for sugar on My Fitness Pal because I ate fruit for multiple meals.

I was a little shocked to see how many people in this group didn’t know how to read nutritional labels. Obviously we are all there because we could use a little help with our food choices, I just don’t understand how you can have made attempts at weight loss without knowing how decipher this information. I was also blown away by how many people didn’t know much about any of the surgeries or which one they were considering. Granted we had some people who haven’t meet with surgeon yet, however by the time I decided to go in for the consultation I had already done days of research and pretty much had my mind made up about what I wanted. Now I know I am an over preparer for sure but one would think you would gather some basic details before considering going under the knife.
After my class I had a physical with my PCP, I recently switched to her and she is fabulous. She was also blown away by how stellar my labs were. The only things that she’s worried about is that my HDL level is still low, but she thinks that the surgery should help with that since weight loss will bring that number up.

Cholesterol 123 (140-200)

Triglycerides 113 (35-135)

HDL 29 (40-75)

LDL 72 (60-100)

Estimated Average Glucose 103 (68-126)

Hemoglobin 5.2% (4.o – 6.0)

Thyroid Stimulating Hormone .657 (0.465-4.680)

“The food we eat can be either the safest and most powerful form of medicine or the slowest form of poison.” – Ann Wigmore

One of the things that has always made me upset about food in this country is the accesses to affordable organic food (or food as our grandparents used to call it). It saddens me to see countless children being raised on Franken-foods because it’s cheaper than grass fed organic beef and vegetables.  What if we could make it so affordable that it would make it accessible for the cost of a soda or a coffee?

I don’t often find products that I am so passionate about that I want to give it away like I am Oprah on one of those favorite things episodes everyone would field goal kick a baby to get into (I am totally going to give it away see below). I don’t even watch her show but I used to fantasize about getting to go to one as a kid.

I had decided this week that my next blog was going to be about Skoop, and last night I got the opportunity to be able to share it so I figured well now it can’t wait. The more people I see try Skoop, and they immediately notice a benefit I can’t help but think that this could really help a lot of people.  Skoop is a supplement containing “the mad science of mother nature,” and 10 servings of fruits and vegetables in one serving for only 50 calories and 3 grams of sugar. Skoop’s proprietary blend contains 41 obsessively researched ingredients that have been formulated to maximize nutrient synergies. The result is a surprisingly tasty, nutrient dense Superfood powder – rich with antioxidants, probiotics and adaptogenic herbs that reduce inflammation and acidic build-up, increase energy and resilience, and supercharge your immune system’s ability to fight disease.

Having worked for a company that specialized in organic products for nearly 7 years I am pretty careful about ingredients (and how they’re labeled) and try to shop as organically as possible.  When my sister was first trying to get me to try it back in January my only hesitation was that I couldn’t find their complete ingredient list on their website. However after further research it looks like all if not most of the ingredients are organic. So I figured what do I have to lose?

The recommend way to try Skoop is to do a 5 day challenge. It comes in a folder with 5 samples (it’s a dehydrated powder) and it’s recommended that you have it first thing in the morning. I drink mine with 8 oz of water, but it can be added to your choice of milk or milk like product, yogurt, protein shakes, pancakes, smoothies etc. It’s not meant to replace a meal but it’s often the only thing I have for breakfast and I am not hungry until lunch.

I was a little skeptic at first about the fantastic claims from the few people I knew that had started their challenges before me. I had given up soda about two or three week prior to starting Skoop and had still been thinking about the bubbly devil at the beginning of the challenge. I was shocked when  day 3 of the challenge came around I stopped craving sugar. I noticed that the mental fog I had cleared and I had more energy. In addition to not being groggy all the time it has seemed to really help with my insomnia. My Skin is looking fantastic, and I keep finding more things that are improving the longer I take it.

I really credit Skoop for helping me be soda free for 74 days so far, and for helping me stay within my calorie goals because I am not starving and snacking all day. One of my best friends was hooked after her 5 day challenge and says she’s went from drinking 12 cups of coffee to just one.

I love it so much that I want to give away 5 free five day challenges to my readers. Please see this page for more information on Skoop including a complete ingredient list and price. My readers will receive $10 off a 30 day supply if you purchase it through this link.

If you would like to be entered into the drawing for a 5 day challenge comment pick me on this post by 5:30pm MST Friday March 28th when I will select 5 lucky winners.

I am going to check this week when I go to my nutritionist meeting to see if it’s safe for post surgery bariatric patients, which I am really hoping it is. How awesome would it be to be able to get 10 servings of fruits and veggies post op mixed in with your protein shakes?

“Knowledge is love and light and vision” – Helen Keller

First and foremost I would like to extend a giant hug to everyone that offered their support, it means so much to me, I am filled with tears of joy every time I think of it. Sharing this blog with the people I know is probably one of the scariest things I have ever done. Isn’t funny how we often don’t care what strangers will think but it terrifies us to be judged by those we know and love? I was shocked to see how many people actually took the time to read it. Before I kind of felt like I was alone trying to find my way in the darkness with only a head lamp. Your support is like love and light guiding my path which is much brighter now.

It feels so much better now that everyone is aware of what’s going on, and that I don’t feel like I have this huge secret I am hiding. I am very independent, and not the type of person that likes to ask for support or help, so admitting I have a problem and that it’s going to need outside help to solve it was something that was weighing on me heavily. It was also something I was afraid to admit because it makes me feel like a bit of a hypocrite to have preached love your body, that numbers on a scale don’t define you, and sexy comes in every size for so long that people would think that I don’t believe in that because I am dramatically altering my body. I still believe all of those things. I am not doing this because I hate my body, I am doing it because I love it and I don’t want it to give out on me. Don’t worry kids I haven’t come to hate myself I am still the bubbly spirit you have come to know and love.

Since I have shared my big news I have found out from many friends and family members that they don’t actually know much about Gastric Bypass, or the different bariatric surgeries that are available. I figured I would use this post to provide a little information about them. I will explain each procedure but the graphic provided by nordbariatric.com contains much more information but not much about the procedures.

Gastric Bypass – also known as Roux-en-y, is considered the gold standard for weight loss surgery and is performed more than any other weight loss surgery. It also has been medically researched more than the other options. The procedure is done laparoscopically and takes about 90 minutes to complete. The surgeon will make several small incision to access the stomach and intestine. They will then reduce your stomach by 90% by creating a small pouch that is roughly 15-30 ml in volume or about the size of your thumb. The second part involves removing 45 inches of your intestine and then connecting it to your new pouch. The surgery works by restriction and malabsorption. Not only are you able to eat less you also only absorb a small portion of the food that you consume.

Lap Band – Is a restrictive surgery where the stomach is reduced in volume (to about 100 ml) by an adjustable band. It is done laparoscopically and takes about 40 minutes. The reduction in size allows the patient to feel full more quickly thus reducing the amount of calories consumed. The band has a reservoir filled with saline which is connected to a capsule under the skin. This allows for the band to be adjusted as needed after surgery.

Gastric Sleeve – Is a restrictive laparoscopically performed procedure where the stomach is reduced by about 75% creating a tube or sleeve like new stomach. The surgery works by restriction but they also remove the portion of the stomach that produces ghrelin (the hormone that tells you your hungry) greatly reducing the amount of ghrelin you produce. The surgery takes about 2 hours to complete.

I have chosen to go with Gastric Bypass because it’s the most successful of the 3 surgeries (see the graphic below), even though it poses the biggest lifestyle changes. More people reach their goal weight with bypass than with the other bariatric surgeries. To read more about where I am in the process of getting approved and scheduling my procedure see this post.

“If you can’t love yourself, how in the hell you going to love someone else?” – Rupaul

That’s right bitches I am quoting Rupaul. Well many people hate their bodies and the skin their in, I have never had that problem. The reasons for wanting to go under the knife stems from wanting to be healthy. The size I end up at doesn’t matter as long as it’s healthy one. Even now at a weight that I find so alarming that I am taking drastic measures to change it I still start every day by dancing in my underwear before I get dressed. I still catch unexpected glances in the mirror where I think I look sexy, and I still perform burlesque.

My parent’s may have not taught me how to eat properly, but they instilled in me at a young age that I was the shit and could do anything I wanted, and that other peoples opinions didn’t matter. I started dancing when I was in 3rd grade and did that until 7th grade when I started to comprehend the financial burden it was putting on my family. At that time however I just moved from one preforming arts to another when I started theater. I was larger than any of my cast mates but that didn’t stop me from getting lead roles, and being cast in pretty much everything I auditioned for.

Once I got out of high school I pretty much stopped any sort of performing simply because the opportunity wasn’t really around. It wasn’t until I walked into a Pole Dance studio in 2011, the first dance studio I had visited in years had I noticed that somewhere along the way that I had began to fill very awkward in body. That however would not last long. I had no clue I had found what is now my Vertical Fusion Pole Family, I would have never guessed in a million years that my biggest support network would come from a bunch of scantily clad pole dancers, that they would be my biggest cheerleaders.  I would have never dreamed that Roxy Star would change my life with her foul mouth, red lipstick, and stripper heels. She took me from wishing I could perform burlesque to achieving a life long dream of being a Burlesque Artist.

Here is a promotional add for the next round of Roxy’s Sexylesque workshop featuring yours truly on the end.

Week after week she would drill into us that sexy comes in many shapes and sizes. That well we are here to work out and transform our bodies that you have to love them along the way. While I had removed the words I can’t from my vocabulary along time ago I had never realized how hard I was on myself, that I said some pretty harsh things to myself about my abilities. Then one class she said something that clicked and I will never forget it.

“Be kind to yourselves. If what you said in your head about yourself came out of the mouth of someone else you would punch a bitch in the face. So leave your inner bitch at the door”

Each week she would remind us to leave all of our bullshit, and inner bitches at the door. She would heartfeltly plead with us to try to make the feeling we experienced in class last as long as possibly afterwards even if it only lasted until the next morning. You know what happened? Eventually the inner bitch took a permanent vacation, no longer did I beat myself up for not perfecting something on the first try. This didn’t apply just to the dance studio but in all areas of my life.

I encourage everyone to take one of Roxy’s classes if you live in the Front Range or she’s ever in your area you will feel like you can conquer the world after. If you can’t make it to one of her classes you can at least take a page from her book and check your inner bitch (or asshole) at the door and be kind to yourself. That happiness is a choice, and even though you might have goals and improvements to make you can still be happy along the way.

“The winner of the hoop race will be the first to realize her dream, not society’s dream, her own personal dream.” – Barbara Bush

First and foremost who knew the most appropriate quote for this post would come from a Bush? As many people might know your insurance company wants you to jump through hoops, and put on a dog and pony show before they will approve you to go under the knife. I don’t blame them this is not something that should be entered into lightly. It is non-reversible and for the rest of your life. Which is more than we can say for some “life long” commitments society makes.

The surgeons office gives you a list of stuff with the things your insurance wants you to have circled in order to be considered for the surgery. Some of the things listed were lose x amount of pounds supervised, documentation of at least 5 years of obesity, documentations of 2 years of obesity, clearance from your cardiologist, documented weight loss attempts, your first born child, etc.

I have Cigna and so far they have only asked for the following before we submit my paperwork for approval:

• 3 months of supervised weight loss
• A letter of clearance from your primary care physician

If I hadn’t read countless stories about how Cigna likes to extend the song in dance I would be counting on having surgery in July. However perhaps it varies from policy to policy? The nice thing about the Colorado Bariatric Surgery Institute is that because they are located in a hospital St Lukes offers the nutritional classes (supervised weight loss), and counseling for free since you will be having the surgery there.  I have had once class so far and the following two will take place on 3/17 and 4/14 and they want you to lose 2 pounds between each class (I am averaging that every couple of weeks so that shouldn’t be a problem).

Once I have finished the three classes we can submit my packet to Cigna for approval. Unless they say they want another 3 months of supervised weight loss we are looking at a potential surgery date of July 18th. If I am approved it means July 4th would be the start of my two week liquid diet cleanse. If they end up coming back and wanting another three months it would mean we could resubmit the packet in July but I wouldn’t be able to schedule it until October or early December or so because work is insanely busy during the summer. If that ends up happening I might just wait until January when I can opt for the better insurance policy that would cover more of my hospital stay.

I wish we could submit it before hand so you know exactly what you’re up against.I would be interested to see how many people were initially told that by Cigna only to be told they want 6 months of weight loss when their packet is sent in.   I hate waiting games.

“You May Ask Yourself, where does that highway lead to? You may ask yourself, am I right, am I wrong? You may say to yourself my God, what have I done?”- David Byrne

When partaking on a path leading to bariatric surgery it causes you to deeply examine your past to find the trigger to such out of control weight gain. After all those who don’t learn from there mistakes are bound to repeat them right?

I quickly was able to rule out being an emotional eater. If anything when I am stressed or emotional I don’t want to eat at all most the time. The more I thought about the cause it really came down to the fact that I was never taught how to eat properly.  The majority of my family is overweight or obese. The learning tools were never set in place to show me how to make balanced decisions. From an early age we were allowed to eat whatever we wanted, and not just whatever but as much as we wanted. I get my sweet tooth from my dad. He always had bags of candy for us or some sort of tasty treat. My parents would allow me to eat super sized fast food multiple times a week (there was a period where McDonalds had buckets of fries and I ate them regularly). All without so much of a warning until it became too late.

Until about 4th grade I was rail thin and could get away with pounding pixie sticks, pop rocks, and Pepsi’s by the masses. My body was able to keep up with all the junk I ate until I hit puberty and then shit got real (I now know it’s likely that my PCOS was a large contributing factor as well). I remember being in 6th or 7th grade and coming out of the bathroom crying because I had gotten on the scale and it said 200 pounds. Around that time my mom had tried to make suggestions in not such carrying ways, which at the time just came off as bullying so I didn’t hear them. That day when she tried to tell me something about the diet I remember screaming at her about how hateful she was. She vowed never to say anything again and she didn’t.

It breaks my heart now when I see parents who let their kids eat mountains of sugar, or 4 cheeseburgers in one sitting. If only the struggles they were setting up for their children because they don’t want to be the bad guy. Well I can’t blame my parents entirely, I often wonder would I be in this boat had I been taught how important it is to not only be aware of what your putting in your body but about portions as well? It wasn’t until I joined Weight Watchers in the Spring of 2004 that my eyes were open to how to eat properly. However by then I was almost 280 pounds and well change was good it wasn’t ever enough to get me lower than 250.

Now a days I say the biggest factor in my recent weight gains have been mindless eating. When I tune out to what I am putting in my mouth it’s not that much changes in what I eat but moderation goes out the door. I get too busy and I just grab what’s easy, and then don’t pay attention to portions. I know one of my biggest struggles post op is going to be mindful eating. My challenge from the nutritionist this month is to eat mindfully. She wants us to chew everything 25-30 times and then stay connected with it when you swallow and see how far down you can feel it. I encourage everyone to try at least one meal this way, did you notice a difference in your satisfaction or consumption of that meal?

“When one approach is not working to reach a desired goal, that’s not a reason to abandon the goal. Instead, it’s time to devise another approach.” – Ralph Marston

My desired goal was set 10 years ago when I looked in the mirror and knew that my weight had become a serious issue. I was a senior in high school, I wore a size 18 pant, and weighed in around 275 – 280 pounds. Fast forward 10 years, countless diets, life style changes, workouts, and lost and gained pounds and I had a moment a couple of months ago where I made my mind up enough is enough.

One day at the end of December of 2013 while photographing my sisters fitness studio out of curiosity I decided I would step on the scale for the first time in months. No one was around, and I could tell my pants had gotten a little tight over the holidays so I figured what the hell lets take it for a spin? I was floored and heart broken when the scale read 313 pounds….313 POUNDS! I literally had to do a double take I knew I had put on some weight since September when I had been to the doctor (I weighed in at 285) but how could I have gain 28 pounds in 3 months? I knew drastic measures would need to be taken.

Back in 2011 I had a similar experience, my sister was out of town so I was house sitting for her and her scale was out. Again I jumped on it only to be shocked by the numbers when it said 295. I started looking into Gastric Bypass telling myself I would never see 300 pounds. After doing my initial rounds of research I was scared shitless and decided to take a half measure and bought a bike instead telling myself I was going to give it one more valiant effort. I started biking, I found Pole Dance and Burlesque, I started working with a trainer and over the course of the next 8 months got down to a fit 265 pounds (pole makes you gain muscle, and loose inches but not necessarily weight like crazy).

I had remained pretty active up until August of 2013 when my uterus and insomnia decided to rage war on me. I was crampy and exhausted and didn’t have energy for much. I went from doing 4 to 7 classes a week, to maybe one if I felt up to it. Finally in December I started feeling a bit better but by then apparently the damage had been done. All the work to maintain and loose was flushed down the toilet. In all honestly my highest weight had probably gotten between 5 and 10 pounds higher than the 313 I weighed in at on 12/30. I got on the scale because I felt like I had lost a little that month as my activities started to pick back up.

“I chose a half measure, when I should have gone all the way…I’ll never make that mistake again. No more half measures, Walter” – Mike Ehrmantraut Breaking Bad

I decided right there and then there will be no more half measures and I made an appointment with my doctor to discuss gastric bypass. After going over my medical history she diagnosed me with PCOS (Polycystic ovary syndrome) which makes it difficult to lose weight (It would explain why even when I eat well and exercise like crazy I don’t see a lot of results). She also said she thought that Gastric Bypass was a great idea since I have luckily escaped the majority of side effects that come along with obesity and am actually very healthy. She also gave me a referral to The Colorado Bariatric Surgery Institute so I could set up a consultation.

Some people might wonder if you’re so healthy why not loose it the old fashion way? I have given it a lot of effort over the last 10 years and am always able to loose between 30 and 50 pounds only to gain it all back and then some. I know I can maintain a healthy weight, but when you have 150 pounds to drop to get there sometimes you need some help. I am also doing it because you don’t see morbidly obese senior citizens, and as I creep closer to 30 I don’t want that birthday to be my half way point. Since December I have gotten down to 298.5 and ever pound has been a huge effort only confirming why I need this tool to help me. So the time is now.

Why blog this experience for all the world to see? I have decided to blog about it for a couple reasons. The first is to create accountability for myself. The other is because I am not so good at expressing myself in person. It never comes out the way I want, and I don’t easily share my feelings. Most the time if someone asks me how I feel I will say fine because I don’t like feeling vulnerable. This way I can keep those who are interested updated about what’s happening, and perhaps help others who are looking for a raw candid view of the process.

So if your reading this come along on my magical wild ride lol. Well this will mostly be about my Bariatric journey I am sure my photography, and dance life will spill on over,  my life is fantastic and beautiful which is why I want to be around for it until I am old and gray.